Two Roads.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. -Robert Frost

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Inbetweens...

With all of that said, a lot has happened again recently. Life seems to never be uneventful for me...that is for sure. I am beginning to learn to appreciate what I have come to call the "inbetweens". Let me explain... Life is a series of moments, of events. These can be easily remembered and seen in things like a blog post, a journal entry, and mostly in photographs. It is what we talk about with friends when we are gathered for a friendly dinner or on the phone with long distance relatives. These moments are snapshots that pinpoint progress on this path called life, but what about everything else? Everything else is what I am referring to as the "in between". The mundane everyday life. The waking up, the gym, the house chores, the car washes, the daily meals...all of this that helps us define and comprise our lives is, in my opinion, too often forgotten. The inbetweens are the majority of our journeys in life. They allow us to really get to know the people we are choosing to surround ourselves with and help us realize our potential and quiet character. I am learning that starting to recognize these inbetweens allows us a greater reflection for which way we are walking in life as well as who is coming with us. If someone is tolerable in only the grand moments of your life, they probably aren't there for the right reasons. But if they are there day in and day out and there is still mutual respect, love and honesty then they are worth the effort. I have also noticed that giving more recognition to these in betweens allows one to create bigger moments. I think this is because in retrospect it gives us permission to not only dream bigger, but plan for it better. Dreams must have a plan of attack in order for them to achieve reality. That isn't to say things always go according to plan, but that is when we can take the in betweens to re-strategize. I am learning. And it a process full of failure and frustration, but without accepting and embracing the in betweens we miss out on so much of our own lives. Only living for moments leaves us tired, wanting and wondering if there is more to life...I believe there is. I believe the in betweens are important.

Why

The events of the past few years have left me a lot of time to wonder and contemplate. The why's of everything, the who's, the what's. It is impossible to clear the mind completely to try and figure it all out and so frustration builds as I try in vain. I keep saying that maybe if I was a lethargic, lazy or banal person I might be ok with the certain circumstances of my life that seem to be constant battles, but in truth I am nothing of those qualities. I want to live, and actually live not just exist. When I am stuck in a hospital bed of the ICU all I can think about are the things I want to do and accomplish and then I realize that while I am stuck there, everyone else continues to move forward. I need to be stronger than this. I need to somehow, some way "fix" things. How do you fix the uncontrollable?